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It's 6 a.m., another mourn-ing brings depression to me. Daylight comes to bring the shadow of loneliness to my life once again and there's nothing I can do to avoid it.
A sigh comes out from very deep inside because I realize that dreams of dawn were meant to be just dreams and reality hits me (as everyday...) and I'm forced to accept that I'm nothing but a social, cultural, and ideological misfit... a Latinamerican Goth!
But who cares how I feel in my heart?... There are lots of "serious" stuff you have to do: No time to be sentimental, no time to be goth. My dad's blowing the horn, gotta go to college. All the way long, he's complaining about my black dress and boots. "But can't you see?" - He says to my mom desperately, "they love darknes, all that's obscure they like". When making my way toward the building, everyone stares at me in so different ways. Some seem to be concerned, much seem to fear, others seem to disapprove, dislike or mock at. My college professors and classmates only ask: "Why you always wear black?".
I walk... not feeling hate for a society that lacks understanding, but feeling deep sorrow for myself, for been born in the wrong epoch and the wrong place. How I yearn for the day my Lover will come for me!!! I've tried so hard to bury my feelings and to be a happy, normal girl... I can't. I don't want their admiration, not even their respect... I just pray so that they won't never ever look at me again... G-d, I'm thinking of You while walking as a zombie during the day. Now what???, here comes a flirting man, and a mocker after him. No, I don't want to attract nor to be showy. I'm just the mourner of the dark, "the black widow" as they use to call me.
I go to the office (part-time job is to be taken seriously). My boss, who's my messianic rabine too, "advices" me everytime I dress black...
Returning to my cave (that's my room!) is what I really enjoy. It's almost 6 p.m., a new lunar day begins with every dusk (Gn. 1:5), bringing G-d's peace to my soul as I know that darkness brings no shadow; for even your own shadow betrays you at midday... Oh L-rd!, You're so wise... Your Spirit enjoyed moving upon the waters among the heavy murk, even before light was created!!! (Gn.1:2-3). In that same way I feel you moving within my dark soul.
Is there something impossible for my Beloved? Oh, blow Thy Spirit NOW and dwell in the darkness of the soul of every watcher. AMEN.
-Black Widow, the mourner of the dark.
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